From a Hungarian guy I went on a date with a month and a half ago. This email was sent to me on August 3rd, which I had totally forgotten about till now:

Telling your parents you're gay.

Young man goes into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist:

Hello, could you give me a condom. My girlfriend has invited me for dinner and I think she is expecting something from me!"

The pharmacist gives him the condom; and as the young man is going out, he returns and tells him: "Give me another condom because my girlfriend's sister is very cute too. She always crosses her legs in a provocative manner when she sees me and I think she expects something from me too." The pharmacist gives him a second condom; and as the boy is leaving he turns back and says "After all, give me one more condom because my girlfriend's mom is still pretty cute, and when she sees me she always makes allusions...and since she invited me for dinner, I think she is expecting something from me!!"


During dinner, the young man is sitting with his girlfriend on his left,the sister on his right and the mom facing him.
When the dad gets there,the boy lowers his head and starts praying:
"Dear Lord, bless this dinner... thank you for all you give us...!!!"
A minute later the boy is still praying:
"Thank you Lord for your kindness..."Ten minutes go on and the boy is still praying, keeping his head down. The others
look at each other surprised and his girlfriend even more than the others.

She gets close to the boy and whispers in his ear:
"I didn't know you were so religious!!!"

The boy replies :"I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist!!!"

In the guys bathroom you see two types of guy who stand at the urinal.

The Pull Outer
This is the guy who unzips their fly and pulls their penis through the convenient hole in their boxers through their unzipped pants.
This method is quick, easy and effective.
Only possible disadvantage could be the catching of the penis in the zipper causing untold pain and distress.  As yet no one has ever managed to accidently slice their penis off my zipping up too fast.


The Pull Downer
This guy unbuckles their belt and or pants and pulls their penis over their shorts whilst holding their pants up.
I find this method a little mystifying as it appears to be a great deal of additional work and effort, especially since you need to hold up your pants at the same time.
The only possible reason I can think of.  Is the guy’s penis is not long enough to fit through their boxer hole and pants.

Which guy are you?  and why?

John Mayor trying to walk his Dad through some Apple technical support.

Such classics as:
"Click on the naked lady"
"No Dad you cannot remotely unplug it"

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.

"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner." She rubbed baby
oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder. Don't move until I tell you,"
she said, " pretend you're a statue."

"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.

"Oh it's a statue," she replied, "the Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too."

No more was said, not even when they went to bed. Around 2 AM the husband go t up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.

"Here," he said to the statue, have this.  I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing."

• Men Are Just Happier People -- What do you expect from such simple creatures?
• Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
• Chocolate is just another snack.
• You can never be pregnant.
• You don't get cramps every month.
• You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
• You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
• Car mechanics tell you the truth.
• The world is your urinal.
• You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
• You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
• Same work, more pay.
• Wrinkles add character.
• Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental - $100.
• People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
• New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
• One mood all the time.
• Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
• You know stuff about tanks.
• A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
• You can open all your own jars.
• You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
• If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
• Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
• Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
• You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
• Everything on your face stays its original color.
• The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
• You only have to shave your face and neck.
• You can play with toys all your life.
• One wallet and one color for all seasons.
• You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
• You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
• You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
• You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
• No wonder men are happier.

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob.
So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north.
After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard.
So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained.
"I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light."
The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.
Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way.
They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney.
It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked,
"Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?"
"Yes, I do." said Bob
"Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"
"Well, um, yes !," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out, "I have to admit that I did."
"And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?"
Bob's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did."
"Why do you ask?"
 
"She just died and left me everything."

This is a long movie, but well worth watching, especially the end!
If any of you are in IT and/or support, you'll love it!