From a Hungarian guy I went on a date with a month and a half ago. This email was sent to me on August 3rd, which I had totally forgotten about till now:

Over the weekend, I did a test.  Very scientific of course!
My friend has this cute little puppy.  I have a 2 seat convertible sports car. 
So which one will get me the most numbers in any given hour?
I borrowed her dog and headed over to a local StarBucks by the beach.  Parked my car away from the coffee shop and walked over with my puppy.  Grabbed a coffee and sat outside.
The one hour test begins...
After 3 minutes, hot blonde walks up asks about the puppy, we chat for a few minutes then she meets her boyfriend, bummer.
Further 2 minutes, 3 teenage girls, sexy but not legal.
Another 5 minutes, hot brunette, comes over with her puppy, perfect.  After a few minutes of chatting she asks to join me, score.  We chat for about 20 minutes, she has to leave to a meet a friend but not before she gives me her number.
15 minutes past and 1 number so far, not bad.
Next 45, pretty slow.
Down to the last 15 minutes and we have a hot mom and daughter.  The mother is around 35 and sexy as hell.  I'm having MILF fantasies here.  They chat to me about the puppy because she wants to get her daughter a puppy.  Daughter goes inside to get coffee, I flirt with the mother outside.  She is VERY flirty, love this shit!
Before the daughter returns, she slips me her number under my coffee cup.
1 hour, 1 puppy, 2 numbers.  Pretty good I think.
So I return to the car, drive over to my friends place and return the puppy.
I drive over to a different coffee shop and park opposite the seats outside.
Everyone outside can see the car.  I go in, grab a coffee and sit outside for 5 minutes.  No girls approach.
I decide then to stand against my car, drinking the coffee, pretending I'm waiting for someone.
30 minutes pass, bored, no attention, few smiles, but no girls approach.  Once guy chatted to me about the color, not good!
Then I take the top down, site inside the car for 15 minutes, again, nothing.  I then decide to cruise down the beach for the last 15 minutes, lots of stares, no numbers.
 
Conclusion
If you want phone numbers, save your money on the car and buy a puppy and work on your puppy communication skills.
The car might help to get you laid on a date, but to get the date, a puppy can help!

Last week we brought you the loudest orgasm ever, this week we bring you the largest cum shot ever!

Another Phucked Video, what can I say?  It starts a little slow, but after about 2 minutes the truly Phucked starts!

The  Putrid Sex Object makes 2 Girls 1 Cup look like Sesame Street!

Thanks to "cornflakegirl" for the heads up on this latest phucked video, The Putrid Sex Object

You're Young?  You're Horny?  You want an easy lay?
You need a Cougar and here is how to get yours today!

 

 

I was hanging out with some buddies at my gay friend Justin's house and he has a 10 year old boy (despite being gay), and we were watching cartoon network while taking turns going out to the garage to get ridiculously high. Watching some anime show, the main character got bored and cloned himself so he could play tennis with himself. (it wasn't just the weed talking I swear).

At that point, Justin's kid says, "Wouldn't it be cool if you could clone yourself and play with youself?"

I looked at Justin, Justin looked at me, and then the entire room burst into laughter with simultaneous, "HELL YEAH's".

That would be fun as hell. But then the age old question comes back - Would it be masturbation or incest if you were playing with your clone?

At times your vagina smelled just like my pits
After running a marathon in 126
Degree heat and my feet smelled good
Compared to your gobbler of wood
But I digress,
On the days you didn't smell like sweat
The sex was the best
Put my dick to the test
We'd fuck until my dick looked like it was addicted to meth
Raw like I masturbated with wire mesh
I choked you spanked you and pulled your hair
You moaned like I was fucking murdering you down there
And then I'd flip you over, and reach for the lube
Squeeze that tube while I squeeze your boob
Took a closer look "What the Eff" I gasped
You had a mustache growing out your ass
Girls' asses aren't supposed to be hairy
My little peter says, nary, that shit is just too scary
And sometimes just right in the angle of the light
It looked like you had stubble maybe it's my eye sight
Stubbly chin, B.O., and your ass had a mop
I think I was fucking a transexual post op

Now we know...

Young man goes into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist:

Hello, could you give me a condom. My girlfriend has invited me for dinner and I think she is expecting something from me!"

The pharmacist gives him the condom; and as the young man is going out, he returns and tells him: "Give me another condom because my girlfriend's sister is very cute too. She always crosses her legs in a provocative manner when she sees me and I think she expects something from me too." The pharmacist gives him a second condom; and as the boy is leaving he turns back and says "After all, give me one more condom because my girlfriend's mom is still pretty cute, and when she sees me she always makes allusions...and since she invited me for dinner, I think she is expecting something from me!!"


During dinner, the young man is sitting with his girlfriend on his left,the sister on his right and the mom facing him.
When the dad gets there,the boy lowers his head and starts praying:
"Dear Lord, bless this dinner... thank you for all you give us...!!!"
A minute later the boy is still praying:
"Thank you Lord for your kindness..."Ten minutes go on and the boy is still praying, keeping his head down. The others
look at each other surprised and his girlfriend even more than the others.

She gets close to the boy and whispers in his ear:
"I didn't know you were so religious!!!"

The boy replies :"I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist!!!"

This has to be the loudest orgasm ever! 

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.

"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner." She rubbed baby
oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder. Don't move until I tell you,"
she said, " pretend you're a statue."

"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.

"Oh it's a statue," she replied, "the Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too."

No more was said, not even when they went to bed. Around 2 AM the husband go t up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.

"Here," he said to the statue, have this.  I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing."

If ever you guys out there need a reason not to get married, this is it!

When Wayne Gibbs asked RoseMary Shell to marry him, he gave her a 2 carat diamond ring and she happily said yes.  Shell was living in Pensacola Florida at the time and decided to leave her $80k a year job to move to Gainesville to be with Wayne.

About a month after Shell moved in with Gibbs, however, Gibbs expressed second thoughts in a note he left in their bathroom: He wanted to postpone the wedding.

Gibbs and Shell stayed together a few more months before officially parting in March 2007. Shell chose to take legal action and sued three months later.

During the three-day trial, Shell testified that she had given up a good salary with benefits to move in with Gibbs. In her current job, in the accounting department at North Georgia College and State University, Shell is making $31,000 a year.

Gibbs testified that he took Shell on several skiing trips during their partnership, made house payments for her, and gave her $30,000 to pay off some of her credit-card debt. He claimed he got cold feet after learning she had even
more debt.
Shell has over $42,000 is overall credit card debt.

After hearing the case, a Hall County jury awarded Shell $150,000 on Wednesday.

As for her engagement ring,  Shell said she does not know the value — but she will try to sell it.

All I can say is, WHAT THE PHUCK!

OK all those married guys whose wife is expecting or if you've knocked up that slutty girl friend of yours.
Are you worried that her vagina could be loose after she gives birth?
Medical science has the answer, an Episiotomy.

What is an Episiotomy?
During labor, it is very common for women to experience vaginal tearing as the baby passes out of the vaginal opening. In order to prevent these vaginal tears from occurring, doctors will often perform an episiotomy. In this procedure, an incision is made in the perineum, which is the area between the vagina and the anus. This incision allows the vaginal opening to enlarge, thereby giving the baby more space to emerge from.

The procedure for an episiotomy is fairly simple: local anesthetic is applied to the perineum and an incision is made just before delivery. Following the birth of your baby and the delivery of the placenta, the incision is sutured shut with dissolvable stitches.

An Episiotomy also is thought to aid in tightening the vagina after birth and prevent vaginal stretching.

So there you have it guys. Get your girl an Episiotomy and sex after child birth won't be like sticking your dick into a wet bucket!

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob.
So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north.
After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard.
So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained.
"I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light."
The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.
Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way.
They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney.
It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked,
"Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?"
"Yes, I do." said Bob
"Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"
"Well, um, yes !," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out, "I have to admit that I did."
"And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?"
Bob's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did."
"Why do you ask?"
 
"She just died and left me everything."

So how many fists do you think a girl can fit in her ass?

1 or 2?

This guy finds out and she really seems to like it!

Now ladies, how many of you have tried or would like to try this? (Not that Mr. Phucked is offering)

Remember, you must be at least 21 years of age to watch the 1 Ass 2 Fists Video!

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