R.I.P.
My Metal Head Ex Boyfriends Dick.
May he go on to other places, and
Fuck other vagina's, and
Find many many orgasms.

A sad sad day indeed. The day I have to tell the tale of such great remorse. I absolutely loved having my ex boyfriend back in my life, just as friends. Though who would I have been to complain when our friendship developed into a casual fuck buddy situation? A greedy bitch is who I would have been, but in fact, I was quite happy. I could go to his house, hang out, talk with someone who was incredibly knowledgeable about Metal, and music in general, mess around, fuck, sometimes stay the night, and leave in the morning happier than ever. It was like having a boyfriend without the fights, or the drama, or commitment... OK so it was basically the perfect situation. It's quite saddening to come now, to the horrible news. Just recently I had stayed at his place, and the morning when he drove me home, after we grabbed some breakfast at jack in the box ( Didn't I tell you it was perfect? A fuck and some food? ) and he informed me that he would be going to visit a girl he had been talking to on-line for quite a while, and who lives a few hours away. *shrug* Whatever, fuck her, don't get anything, come back and keep fucking me. Is all I could really conjure up for much of caring. Though, When he returned, I noticed something different the first time I saw him. You've got to be kidding. They were totally fucking DATING. Even more sadly, He is not the type easily swayed to cheat, and especially not with me, whom he's seen do it to others many times before over the years. Hence, the depressing recantation of our sexual history.

Your Virginity
One of three that I've taken, It's half somewhere on a couch that I heard my parents gave to some friends of ours a few years ago, and half on my bed. I'm sure The Prudent Chick, totally remembers you losing it behind her while she surfed the net on my comp with her back to us. You were damn good for your first time.

Your Mom
Totally walked in on us having sex, and though both of us remember it different ways, it happened, and now I can laugh my ass off at your mom seeing me naked. Though I'm not sure if I could ever look her in the face.

Skinny Dipping
Will almost inevitably lead to sex. As it did with us the very first time we hung out after the break up and that long period of time where I was in la la land on Prozac. Sorry that your ex girlfriend found stains on your sheets, but the bitch hates me and I just think that whole situation was funny. Pinning me against the wall was awesome, I could barely walk afterwords.

A Kind of Threesome?
When you and the Stoner Girl/Drunk Girl stayed at my house, I expected a lot to happen. Unfortunately, she wouldn't for the life of her, pound drinks as she had the night of the amazing five some. She was probably a little buzzed when I crawled on top, making out with her and rubbing my hand against her. You taking my from behind while I did that, and eventually eating her out was just a plus.

Another Kind of Threesome?
Did you have to compare cock sizes with your Black room mate? You are awful! How could you rope me into something you know I don't do! Dark meat is a no no! Ugh, and I was so fucking sore afterwords that I couldn't even sleep with you to console myself.

A Finally Good Bye
The last time we had sex before your cock was zippered up and hidden away until your relationship is over, and you're over her, was pretty damn good. Though, I have to say, so was the breakfast at J in the B and the Dr. Pepper.

All in all, Thanks for all the awesome sex, and the great Cd's you let me burn. I will still hang out with you, I guess, because you throw awesome parties with lots of really hot drunk guys, and because you're still my friend, but it won't be the same without fucking you afterwords. Oh and by the way, no girl likes to hear about sex with the girl she lost you too! I don't care how open and chill I am, I so didn't want to hear that she called you the energizer bunny. Gross. I dub thee, Excalibur. Much better of a nick name than, Energizer bunny.